For 10,632 days I was lucky enough to have an amazing woman by my side. She was thoughtful, loving, caring, drove you to be your best and supported me through every moment on my life. 62 days ago I told her I loved her for the last time and stood by her bed as she took her last breath.
When it comes this amazing woman and what she meant to me there isn’t enough words. She loved me like her own, loved me like a sister, loved me like a cousin. She wasn’t just a friend but someone that held me from day one and continued to be there no matter what. When she was diagnosed with breast cancer a little over two years ago I’ll never forget when she looked at my aunt in that doctors office and said we are going to beat this. She had the best outlook and most positive outlook on life. She fought hard and she fought it her way. She tried and did find the good in every day even if she wasn’t having a good day. She always made sure the people she loved knew it.
To say my heart is broke is an understatement. In the last 62 days I have been trying to find myself and who I am without her. I have been trying to learn to lean on people more than ever, that its ok to cry even tho you don’t want to and that the people that have your back will take you in no matter what mood you are in. I know one day I’ll get back to my new normal but getting there is a hard task. I know I’m ok because she taught me how to be strong, how to fight for the things I love and how to live life to the fullest.
One of my best friends sent me a quote when I took a road trip to help clear my head and it hit home with me more than any other quote today. “I believe the hardest part of healing after you’ve lost someone you love, is to recover the ‘you’ that went away with them.” I can honestly say that quote couldn’t be more true. Finding that part is a journey, one that I am still trying to work out.
Even tho I am hurting, numb, heartbroken, sad, and pissed at times I know she would want me to live my life and live it to the fullest. Anytime I had or did something she didn’t fully approve of I would get the eye roll and “oh Elizabeth Ann” but she would always smile at the end and tell me she loved me. I can still hear and see her doing it and that makes my heart happy.
Kimberly Benfield Porter will never be forgotten and will be cherished and remembered for my entire life. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without her. She was my go to person, rock, mentor, sister, best friend and confidant. There is a place in my heart that will always be hers and a place I will forever be grateful for. Grateful for the talks, concerts, car rides, sugar cookie baking, sleepovers, laughs, hugs, smiles and tears.
October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and until this year. Well until the last two years it never hit home quite like this year is. This year it has a whole new meaning. To the survivors that kicked its ass you are stronger than you realize. To the woman we have lost you are still loved beyond measure. To the woman that will eventually put on their gloves and fight it, we are in your corner. Cancer doesn’t define you or who you are. Your legacy is what you have given to others and what you have done with your life. Live your life to the fullest and love hard. Life is to short to not be happy. Do what you want, be who you are, love yourself and find the good in everyday.
January was a busy one like normal. With the new year being here, Bull Sale, ISE and trying to get ready to find the best of the first month of the year. The month definitely brought some lasts as well. One of my best friends Callie that worked for Girls With Guns worked her final ISE show with Alecia and I. It was a happy and sad weekend that we definitely made the most of. January also included getting to watch my oldest niece Makenna play volleyball.
As we say good bye today to 2018 I find myself looking back over the past year. It was a year of love, hope, travel, sadness and learning more about who I am. I love reflecting on the years past. I love to look back and see where I was and where I am today. My goal for 2018 wasn’t to be anyone but me. I wanted to focus on myself and do what I wanted to do. For me traveling gives me the time to think and ponder about life. It is my me time. The time that I give to myself to think through life.
I have been in big cities, small towns, listened to the waves crash in the Pacific ocean and listened to the waves crash in the Atlantic ocean all in this year. I have met people that would give you the shirt off their back and people that wouldn’t. I have come to love the noise of the big cities. The sounds of cars, people talking, tall buildings surrounding you and just the amazing sites you can find in the big cities. I find myself feeling so small in those busy cities and sometimes find myself standing against a building just soaking in the hustle of the busy streets and smiling.
Thanks Em for always having my back and supporting my crazy ideas. I love with everything I am. I try to see the best in everyone. I would give anything I had to the ones I love and overall just try to be a good human.
Liz's Gypsy Journey 